Do you have a conscience?

To you, woman who are planning to file a false case against your husband:

• Do you have a conscience?
• Do you feel good to lie and bring an innocent person to jail?
• Does it feel good to destroy him and his families life for the sake of money?
• His joy and happiness?
• To attack those, you are supposed to protect?
• Who don’t expect any evil from you?
• How does it feel to know your child will grow up fatherless for the sake of greed?
• That there is nobody to share the happiness of a growing child with?
• What will you tell your child when it is big?
• About its father and paternal grandparents?
• Is this money you get really worthwhile all this pain you are causing?
• You marry a man and you stand by him and build a life together, is this not far more rewarding?
• To build a life in love, trust, and mutual respect?

You reap what you sow! You are the one that should safeguard this family, for it is now your family: your husband, your sister, your brother, your mother, your father. Why else do they say that behind every great man there has to be a great woman?

We are a man’s strength, our husbands solid rock he can hold onto no matter what. We are the ones that bring values into his home and keep up the traditions. We bless him with our love, devotion, our poojas and prayers. We can only be happy together but separation brings only despair. To us, our families, and ultimately our country.

For what? A few rupees that will pay for your living for a few years? And then what?

You will be a lonely, deeply hated old woman with no loving husband to share sweet memories of youth with.

Rachna.

0+ 0->

They seldom realize that they are killing the golden egg laying goose in anticipation of getting the treasure of Golden Eggs all at a time. Alas to find that

1. They were greedy...and
2. The goose is dead.

Both situations, 1 and 2 though sounds short but they are not sweet and rather bitter.

So is the menace of the misuse of section 498A. It was supposed to be used as a shield to protect from and as a weapon that produced assassin and used by assassins. But the false cry of the wolf has landed up in breaking up of joint Indian families since 22 years as a proven destructive formula and still some amendment is anticipated.

Many divorcing brides use section 498A as a weapon to negotiate good amount of alimony from the divorcing groom as the section is one sided and providing a facility for the bride to falsely complain to the police about the fairy tale atrocities that their in laws commit thus making it mandatory for the Indian police to arrest all those involved in the story provided by bride under section 498 A. The Non-bailable, Non Compoundable and Cognizable offence attached with this section makes this section very inhuman.

I too just fail to understand what makes them take such steps that breaks the family. I too would ask those women whose conscience would permit them to take such drastic steps.

Jinesh.

Feminism

Every coin has two sides and so it is with feminism. Living in northern Europe for many years now, seeing how women here live, I know over and over again why I am grateful to be an Indian woman. Yes, feminism gives the appearance of freedom to women but it also brings along responsibility and unexpected liabilities and a lot of them!

So, as a western woman you have the right to have boyfriends (even become intimate and nobody will think anything wrong with this), you can stay out late, do what you please, smoke, drink, go on holidays alone, you don't need to ask your parents' approval in marriage or anything after the age of 18, you will always live in a nuclear family with your husband/boyfriend only, never with his parents, when they grow old you just put them into a retirement home and visit them twice a year, you can work, have your own bank account, don't need to ask your husbands permission for almost anything, he will share in housework, might even stay home and take care of the child. There are a lot more of those kind of "rights", but now let's have a look at the other side of the coin, that often is disregarded.

So as a woman here you also pay your own dinner and coffee when going out, you have to get home alone (nobody will escort you as chivalry is non-existent), you are responsible for yourself and nobody will take this from you, you need to learn how to buy and assemble your own furniture because parents expect you to move out of their house right after you concluded your studies. So you need to run your own household and learn to live with the money you earn. No man will open a door for you or help you carry heavy loads. Being a housewife is a luxury that is not affordable for a normal family.

Virginity holds no value and if at all a negative one on either side. You never know if the person opposite you is genuinely interested in you or just wants a short affair and there is no family that protects your interests as a young girl. There is no elder you can go to for guidance or help and if something happens, you need to deal with any upcoming problem alone.

Woman have become so much like men that often they have trouble finding a man that is willing to be in a relationship with them. A relationship has become a competition of who is better in any given field. Sure they are successful and make their own living but often a relationship lasts only a year or two and then they are out again looking for a man that would accept them. They resort to getting pregnant even though they have not even a proper boyfriend at the age of 37 because they know they won't find anyone but want to have a child in order not to be alone anymore. But even after marriage things don't merge, his is his and yours is yours, there are marriage contracts and adultery is considered to be an okay thing. If a man is unhappy with his wife, why not find a better, younger, nicer one? Why commit? Everybody understands and there are even agencies that offer the service of secret meetings in order to commit adultery with a total stranger.

My female colleagues used to laugh at the calls I get from my parents or family during the day at the office. Even more when we had a company event and I get reminded that it is time to go home or somebody comes to pick me up. Some stopped laughing when a lady in the office one day said, that if she were to die in her flat this night, nobody would know until maybe a week or two later.

So I ask you, is this really the way you want to live? Remember, everything in life has a price and I am sorry to say, I am not willing to pay the price for this kind of "freedom"

Rachna

O+ O->

You are absolutely right on this, Rachna. What they call as independence is actually at a cost of interdependence. In other words they achieve ‘so called energy’ at the cost of synergy.

While the Indians in west are more conservative and religious, the Indians in India are axeing their own feet by copying the western culture which itself is directionless and starved. It is not ancient and hence when they ridicule the old values, they actually do not know that “Old is Gold” and the “Days of New are Few.”

Here the wife would not want to help in the house as the feminists have berated the very act of housekeeping as lowly where as I have proudly spent my childhood with my mother and the values that I have got from them instead of a Baby sitting, they fail to realize that it is the wonderful sequence of god, to raise kids and give them values which is the most important thing than anything else. My dad invested his contribution more on money department for me which he later spent on me and my mother spent time on me. Both were equally important for the balance. Now they spend time with me and I spend both money and time for them, alas without a complete family of my own because of distorted values. And false threat of IPC Sections like 498A.

Now a days, the question is about money, be it in marriage or be it Divorce. The values are lost. The values of the wedding vows which is merely a ritual are not even considered by the law (esp the hindu marriage act) following the vows is termed as “clichés and prototypes”. And the religion and values are followed by convenience and not adherence. And hence divorce takes place under the rule of feminism too.

People are all in show business where the self satisfaction is dependent on public opinion. Virginity and Fidelity followers are termed as jealous and perpetuated with a reason that they feel so because they never got a chance to get in to the act. It is a very sarcastic way of telling that grapes are sour for the ones who do not prefer breaking rules. Sad is the state of the mentality. After all we are humans, supreme in capacity than any creature, then why copy the inferior species and miserably justify our stand. I agree that there was no one to guide them, but then they should not misguide others!!!!

And then, finally leading to a life that is not worth living and it is lonely, it is dependent on public opinion.

What a price to pay? Like Rachna, neither am I interested in living a life with such a price to pay, for so called Freedom in the eyes of the public.

Happy to see that we are sailing in the same boat on this though we are opposite in genders but equal on our opinions.

Synergistically,

Jinesh Zaveri.

Equality of Pain

While browsing the web, I came across a website that teaches women how to extract the most money out of their husbands (or to be precise: “planned to be ex-husbands”), through a false 498a, false rape cases, making him buy gold, property etc. Through a link on this site I came to a website of victims of 498a, where men seem to be just as hateful of women as those women on the other website are of men.

I do understand you men, even though I am a woman. I have survived a most abusive and violent marriage and I know how it feels to be a helpless victim. No, I received not a single rupee from my ex-husband even though we have a child together, despite the laws today. I have never cheated on him but bore the fact that he did. I did my best to be a faithful Hindu wife but he hated me for my mere existence. I got beaten and nearly killed and nobody came to my aid, there was no woman’s organization not even my family. He got away with it just because of a big name and an even bigger bank account.

Now I live in a European city, as a single mother, earning my own money, making my own living, alone.

I do not hate men. Why should I? Not all men out there are bad or are out to beat their wives. Not all men are violent and threatening. Just as not all women
are out to take undue advantage of their husbands. The pain we carry, be it as a man or a woman is equal. We both were cheated and misused in the most horrible way: in the intimacy of our homes, our closest family.

We expected love or at least basic respect, all we received was pain, severe, life eating pain. A pain that eats our joy, makes it hard for us to trust again, makes us fear to be hurt again, makes us lock up this pain in our hearts and in many cases prevents us from even speaking about it, makes us ashamed of what happened to us. So where is the difference? I am hurt and you are hurt, both of us through our respective marriage partners.

Life is not fair, but we have one consolation: we are alive, we are survivors! Should not we as survivors stand together and strengthen each other? Can we forget the gender and just see the pain in each other that needs healing?

I know, I can…how about you?

Rachna

O+ O->

Equality of Pain.

I know such 'Rachnas' in abundance in India, these are the Ideal case no. 3 Sitas.

I haven’t seen Europe but after conversing with rachna over a month, I am convinced they are there too.

There are 4 cases of character as I always classify in a marriage

1. Boy is Like Ram and Girl is like Sita (There is never ending bond of love)
2. Boy is like a Rakshash and Girl is a Surpanakha (They both compensate each other)
3. Guy is a demon (Rakshash) and Girl is Like Sita (The guy is like.... you know better) but the girl by virtue of her character would never put her husband in trouble
4. Guy is like Ram and Girl is like Witch (surpanakha)

A Case 3 girl understands the plight of case 4 boy very well and vice versa.

I have always high regards for such women who do not have a stain of her X in her life in no forms not even bank account. She is independent; she is ready to be interdependent with the right partner as she understands the meaning of it. And she has a vision for life in form of a relation and not materialistic form in anyway. And above all a proud single parent. Hats off to you. Where as I have an experience where nothing matters not even time against money, bah they call it alimony.

Yes Rachna, we should forget the gender war and look at healing the pains of us as victims and thus convince the world, that never it could be generalized that a gender is at a fault, it is rather all human instinct in each case...irrespective of gender.

How I wish my dear co-blogger that you were in India. NCW would have got a lesson from you. But since we are global I am sure the world will notice and NCW will notice you and your support to me and mine to you, one day and will understand our meaning of being strong2gether and bring about changes in the law. There will be many who will favour our Humanist approach, that fights injustice and victimisation and insists equality.

In India, We are not asking for much but only a back up plan for the misusers of the law to slightest of extent.

I wish our association to go a long way and get the aim of finishing the gender war forever and rather concentrate on constructive mindsets both socially and judicially. And become strong2gether forever.

My heart reciprocates to your pain empathetically. Bearing the "Equality of Pain."

We are sailing in the same boat and now blogging on the same blog. It is a wonderful journey.

Bon Voyage to you and us,

Jinesh.