Equality of Pain
While browsing the web, I came across a website that teaches women how to extract the most money out of their husbands (or to be precise: “planned to be ex-husbands”), through a false 498a, false rape cases, making him buy gold, property etc. Through a link on this site I came to a website of victims of 498a, where men seem to be just as hateful of women as those women on the other website are of men.
I do understand you men, even though I am a woman. I have survived a most abusive and violent marriage and I know how it feels to be a helpless victim. No, I received not a single rupee from my ex-husband even though we have a child together, despite the laws today. I have never cheated on him but bore the fact that he did. I did my best to be a faithful Hindu wife but he hated me for my mere existence. I got beaten and nearly killed and nobody came to my aid, there was no woman’s organization not even my family. He got away with it just because of a big name and an even bigger bank account.
Now I live in a European city, as a single mother, earning my own money, making my own living, alone.
Life is not fair, but we have one consolation: we are alive, we are survivors! Should not we as survivors stand together and strengthen each other? Can we forget the gender and just see the pain in each other that needs healing?
I know, I can…how about you?
Rachna
While browsing the web, I came across a website that teaches women how to extract the most money out of their husbands (or to be precise: “planned to be ex-husbands”), through a false 498a, false rape cases, making him buy gold, property etc. Through a link on this site I came to a website of victims of 498a, where men seem to be just as hateful of women as those women on the other website are of men.
I do understand you men, even though I am a woman. I have survived a most abusive and violent marriage and I know how it feels to be a helpless victim. No, I received not a single rupee from my ex-husband even though we have a child together, despite the laws today. I have never cheated on him but bore the fact that he did. I did my best to be a faithful Hindu wife but he hated me for my mere existence. I got beaten and nearly killed and nobody came to my aid, there was no woman’s organization not even my family. He got away with it just because of a big name and an even bigger bank account.
Now I live in a European city, as a single mother, earning my own money, making my own living, alone.
I do not hate men. Why should I? Not all men out there are bad or are out to beat their wives. Not all men are violent and threatening. Just as not all womenWe expected love or at least basic respect, all we received was pain, severe, life eating pain. A pain that eats our joy, makes it hard for us to trust again, makes us fear to be hurt again, makes us lock up this pain in our hearts and in many cases prevents us from even speaking about it, makes us ashamed of what happened to us. So where is the difference? I am hurt and you are hurt, both of us through our respective marriage partners.
are out to take undue advantage of their husbands. The pain we carry, be it as a man or a woman is equal. We both were cheated and misused in the most horrible way: in the intimacy of our homes, our closest family.
Life is not fair, but we have one consolation: we are alive, we are survivors! Should not we as survivors stand together and strengthen each other? Can we forget the gender and just see the pain in each other that needs healing?
I know, I can…how about you?
Rachna
O+ O->
Equality of Pain.
I know such 'Rachnas' in abundance in India, these are the Ideal case no. 3 Sitas.
I know such 'Rachnas' in abundance in India, these are the Ideal case no. 3 Sitas.
I haven’t seen Europe but after conversing with rachna over a month, I am convinced they are there too.
There are 4 cases of character as I always classify in a marriage
1. Boy is Like Ram and Girl is like Sita (There is never ending bond of love)
2. Boy is like a Rakshash and Girl is a Surpanakha (They both compensate each other)
3. Guy is a demon (Rakshash) and Girl is Like Sita (The guy is like.... you know better) but the girl by virtue of her character would never put her husband in trouble
4. Guy is like Ram and Girl is like Witch (surpanakha)
A Case 3 girl understands the plight of case 4 boy very well and vice versa.
I have always high regards for such women who do not have a stain of her X in her life in no forms not even bank account. She is independent; she is ready to be interdependent with the right partner as she understands the meaning of it. And she has a vision for life in form of a relation and not materialistic form in anyway. And above all a proud single parent. Hats off to you. Where as I have an experience where nothing matters not even time against money, bah they call it alimony.
Yes Rachna, we should forget the gender war and look at healing the pains of us as victims and thus convince the world, that never it could be generalized that a gender is at a fault, it is rather all human instinct in each case...irrespective of gender.
I wish our association to go a long way and get the aim of finishing the gender war forever and rather concentrate on constructive mindsets both socially and judicially. And become strong2gether forever.
My heart reciprocates to your pain empathetically. Bearing the "Equality of Pain."
We are sailing in the same boat and now blogging on the same blog. It is a wonderful journey.
Bon Voyage to you and us,
Jinesh.
2. Boy is like a Rakshash and Girl is a Surpanakha (They both compensate each other)
3. Guy is a demon (Rakshash) and Girl is Like Sita (The guy is like.... you know better) but the girl by virtue of her character would never put her husband in trouble
4. Guy is like Ram and Girl is like Witch (surpanakha)
A Case 3 girl understands the plight of case 4 boy very well and vice versa.
I have always high regards for such women who do not have a stain of her X in her life in no forms not even bank account. She is independent; she is ready to be interdependent with the right partner as she understands the meaning of it. And she has a vision for life in form of a relation and not materialistic form in anyway. And above all a proud single parent. Hats off to you. Where as I have an experience where nothing matters not even time against money, bah they call it alimony.
Yes Rachna, we should forget the gender war and look at healing the pains of us as victims and thus convince the world, that never it could be generalized that a gender is at a fault, it is rather all human instinct in each case...irrespective of gender.
In India, We are not asking for much but only a back up plan for the misusers of the law to slightest of extent.How I wish my dear co-blogger that you were in India. NCW would have got a lesson from you. But since we are global I am sure the world will notice and NCW will notice you and your support to me and mine to you, one day and will understand our meaning of being strong2gether and bring about changes in the law. There will be many who will favour our Humanist approach, that fights injustice and victimisation and insists equality.
I wish our association to go a long way and get the aim of finishing the gender war forever and rather concentrate on constructive mindsets both socially and judicially. And become strong2gether forever.
My heart reciprocates to your pain empathetically. Bearing the "Equality of Pain."
We are sailing in the same boat and now blogging on the same blog. It is a wonderful journey.
Bon Voyage to you and us,
Jinesh.
posted by Jinesh Zaveri | 2:30 PM
7 Comments:
Wellcome and as long as you agree that any law should be crime based instead of gender based , i am here .
We want harmoney , we dont want hate to each other and want to stop such dirty game , which a lot of feminist are doing for the shake of money and dishonest life style.
Yes we want gender equality in all respect , we want domestic harmoney bill , let a husabnd and wife take the equal responsibility for failure a realtionship.
regards
swarup
I really appeciate and adimre your feelings Rachna. We are not here to hate each other .We are here to save our families form gender biased laws.Not all women are bad like our mother and sister who are being falsely implicated for 498a(Indian Legal Terrorism) just for the sake of money.likewise not all mens are bad like our father and brothers.Lets start making Rachna for the new INDIA , free from gender biased laws.
sabahat
Hi Rachna,
The problem if one is to trace back, would be oppression by the have's on the have not's(not at all a male-female issue).
The way the law maker's ensure vote banks by passing laws without any ratification. The way the law maker's themselves advance in their career through corruption. The way the rulers get into power by money from the big corporations and mafia's. The money the neo imperialistic nations feed mercenaries to create unrest in developing nations, and with passage of time term them terrorist nations(after the same fanatists who are fed by the imperial powers, capture power in those countries).
But we as individuals and small cross section of afflicted society need to start resisting with micro abbrerations like resisting misuse of 498a and the likes. But the root cause is the divide between have's and have nots, the inequality which has been running through centuries(the prepetrators did change from overt imperialism to covert-imperialism/colonisation, but the result remained the same- Make Hay when the sun shines for you, without being empathetic about others, even if they are your life partner's!).
i completely understand what you guys are going thru....been thru a similar situation myself...my concern is that these occurences scar you emotionally for life and in most cases irreversibly...kudos to you jignesh for your efforts and for your efforts to present a platform....both men and women suffer immensely...i as a woman never thought that the man i had married would be so callous....things do turn around..this too shall pass...and it did for me...i think!!
you may write to me and rachna, we would be glad to respond to you.
indianhusbands @ yahoo dot com
I have survived a most abusive and violent marriage and I know how it feels to be a helpless victim. No, I received not a single rupee from my ex-husband even though we have a child together, despite the laws today.
Rachana, I hope you are OK now. My respect and adorations to you and your beloved husband.
Twenty years ago, I would NOT have believed what you wrote. But after my book got published in 1988, I received many e-mails and letters from many Indian women and those letters and e-mails opened my eyes to the horrors women go through in their lives.
I am not blaming any one. From those e-mails and letters I found many among us, the very religious as well as morally and ethically great people have a no clue what women go though in their lives.
So sad parents and other relatives are not realizing the suffering they make their daughters under go by funny remarks and insensitive words.
Many of this e-mails I get are anonymous, since they fear I may divulge their problems to some one else....I do my part helping them . Few times, I was forced to ask them to report to Police and in few other cases to see a doctor.
Most people do NOT know that their daughters need special attention much more than their sons.
"HUSH", "HUSH" mentality among Indians is not helping anyone.
May God bless you.
Well, Rachna-Jinesh, such like mindedness would indeed go a long way as they rightly say that,"Sky is the limit."
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